March 2020. It was a few days before our trip and Guatemala was being called off. The country was banning anyone with a USA or European passport. Our trip to see the famous Semana Santa and Easter festivities in Antigua, to hike the volcanic mountains and swim in Lake Atitlán had been canceled in an instant.

The worldwide pandemic of Covid-19 had begun it’s spread across the globe. It had not hit Mexico yet, but that day would end up being my last social event to this date – May 15, 2020.  I didn’t realize then how much my life would change, but I am grateful that I was able to attend my first Temazcal ceremony just before the shelter in place measures really took hold here in Merida, Mexico.

The Morning Of The Temazcal

That late morning I picked up Stacey, a kind, Canadian blonde woman, outside the Galerias mall which was on the way to the Temazcal. We had met virtually within the attendee Whatsapp group but had not yet met in person. It felt great to be going with a new friend.

We drove north of the city to the location our mutual friend Barby had sent on google maps, but had some trouble finding it. Google maps can be a little off in Mexico but between the two of us, we finally found it. Thankfully she had pictures of the parking lot to know we were in the right place. 

Arriving to the Property

Judy, a beautiful, smiling Mayan woman let us in the gorgeous, white-walled property. There was a large clay Buddha statue overlooking a green garden of grass and a large palapa. On the far side of the courtyard there was a dome structured Temazcal that looked almost like a giant brick oven. It was painted cobalt blue like the clear sky above us. A small pool in the shape of a figure 8 was next to it. 

As we waited for Vania, our leader, we watched what was happening in the courtyard from a distance. There were several Mexican men lying face down in the grass and another man with long curly hair and tattoos on his body who was obviously their guide. He went to each one and spoke gently to them and touched their head or heart in a healing touch. 

Judy came and talked to us, taking a break from tending to the roaring fire. Thankfully Stacey spoke better Spanish than me and could help translate. Judy said that the men were going through a frog ceremony in which they ingested something (I am not sure if it was from a frog) which acted like a hallucinogenic, similar to mescalin, but very short-lived and intense. Apparently the effects only lasted for twenty minutes. She said that’s why they were lying on the ground.

The men, as they got up from their trips, looked around very otherworldly. Their faces and eyes were red, watery, and smiling. Finally, Vania came out with her adorable toddler son, naked in her arms, with curly blond hair and honey brown skin. 

She spoke English well and told us a little more about what to expect. True to Mexico time, the Temazcal would start at 12:30 so we were not late as we first thought we were. She told us where to go get changed in our swimsuits if needed and that some of the men from the frog ceremony would be joining us. It was only us three women. Looking back, I’m so happy Stacey joined and that it was led by Vania.

I was surprised at first because I thought it would be an all-female ceremony, but I felt so chill and cozy being in that beautiful place. Vania and Judy’s energy was so peaceful and radiant, so I felt completely in the flow. I knew I was in really good hands.

Our Temazcal Practitioner: Vania Erives Caballero

Vania was kind enough to share with me the following written piece (see below in the blue quote) to integrate in this blog to discover more about the meaning behind the Temazcal. She also shared more about her personal journey of leading ceremonies and finding this practice. This is what she had to say:

“Heal yourself inside our prehispanic house of heat and steam. Temazcal baths were and still are an important part of traditional medicine for indigenous cultures. By sweating and realeasing toxins and ill feelings, you too can cure your physicall and emotional ailments by deep cleansing your body, mind and soul. Your temazcalero will perform an authentic ceremony that will guide you into rebirth and revival by understanding and connecting with mother nature, also known as Pachamama.”

“Vania Erives Caballero, Lawyer by profession, Yoga Teacher, Life Coach and Facilitator of Ancestral Psychotherapies by vocation. Facilitator of self-generating experiences where we can reach high levels of consciousness, managing to move away from repetitive and self-destructive mental programming. In my personal experience, I was able to find in our ancestral Mexican traditions, as well as in others of our humanity, practices that bring us closer to the meeting point with ourselves, this place where our consciousness begins to expand. The teacher or the teacher on your way is yourself, your being. In my hands is to provide you with expansion tools to create responsibility with yourself and to continue your process of awareness towards self-knowledge and connection with the Supreme Being.

I started the X’kanha project four years ago hand in hand and thanks to opportunities for friendships that became family. My purpose is to be able to create a space of Love on the Sacred Island of Cozumel where both your community and those who visit it benefit from the energy of this beautiful Island that saw me grow. X’kanha is a space where I facilitate various dynamics of self-knowledge, as well as focused on wellness tourism, sharing with the hand of various facilitators, shamans and master spaces of reunion with oneself. I firmly believe in the Dalai Lama’s words “Western women will change the world”. This change is a process that begins within ourselves, healing and empowering each other.

With this in mind and from the heart I started three years ago to facilitate circles and themes for women, creating a space where we become mirrors and between grandmothers, mothers, daughters, sisters we support each other. In this space one knows and recognizes herself as the woman she is, we accept ourselves, we learn from our cycles and our emotions. It is in our bellies, as in that of Mother Earth, that all the memories and ancestral wisdom that vibrate in each of our cells are kept. I thank Cozumel, thanks to X’kanha, thanks to my teachers, ancestors, and thanks to me for allowing me to be an instrument of divinity to continue living from love.”

“The lok’laj Q’aq (Mayan Sacred Fire) is the creative and destructive principle of the universe in the Mayan worldview. He is the elevator of all the prayers and prayers in a ceremony. It is the only gift with a pleasant scent that the Mayan man and woman can offer before their Creator and Maker.”

The Initiation 

The cleansing initiation began to kick off the ceremony. This was to clear our energies before heading into the Temazcal and to call in the “Abuelitas” (i.e. our grandparents and past ancestors). We would also be calling in the four directions to help us on our journey through the ceremony.

We gathered around the blazing fire and Vania used a concha shell to commence the start of each prayer, by rotating to face each direction. There were four prayers total. Starting at the east, and moving around to the south, west, and north, we briefly rotated through the trajectory of every part of life – birth, adolescence, adulthood, and death. A full cycle. 

She told us about the buckets next to the fire that were containing steaming water. They contained a variety of cleansing herbs including rosemary, ginger, spearmint, and more I can’t remember. Copal, a resin from a tree sacred to the Maya also sat burning in its own special ceremonial cup. After she finished the cleansing initiation ritual she told us to walk over to the Temazcal.  

It felt funny deciding to go into a blazing hot Temazcal in the already very hot Yucatan.  I was feeling a little dehydrated and felt a little afraid of the effects the ceremony would have. Would it be too much? I drank some water right before, but was told to eat nothing. The snacks I brought would be for after. 

History of the Temazcal

The Temazcal comes from the Nahautl (Aztec) tradition, the indigenous people who were living around Mexico City in pre-Colombian times, and whose descendents still live there today. The tradition spread all over Mesoamerica and into Central America. The Mayan people had their own special version. 

The Temazcal was first created as a sweat house to cleanse people inside and out. It was specifically used as a ceremony for warriors after a battle. Ballplayers would also use it after ceremonial ball games.  Sick patients who sought healing for their ailments also partook in Temazcales. 

Entering the Temazcal

We lined up in a way where the men and women were balanced. First it was two men, me, another man, Stacey, another man, then Vania was last. 

In order to call in the ancestors’ spirits, guidance and protection during the ceremony we did the following. Before we went into the Temazcal we gave Vania our full name, Mexican style, which was our first name followed by our father’s last name then our mother’s last name. When it was my turn to walk up I said “Cassandra Goodluck-Burns.”

I felt more connected with both sides of myself almost immediately. It was very powerful, and integrative. She said a prayer while smudging my entire body, front and back with the smoking copal incense with her hands, and wishing protection over me. 

Then I was invited to go into the tiny door of the short dome topped building. I ducked and basically crawled in. The two men who had gone in before me obviously had done this before because they kindly directed me in a clockwise style direction around the empty pit in the center to sit next to them. Everyone else came in the same way after me. We all sat waiting for Vania to start the ceremony. 

I felt excited. I looked up at the brick inner dome. It was so beautifully constructed, looked handmade. The floor was a smoothed concrete almost like marble. Vania came in and Judy began bringing to her hot rocks from the fire as Vania used two deer antlers to place the rocks of white limestone (which is common in the Yucatan) into the pit. For each rock, she smeared a stick of copal across it as it simmered against the hot surface.

Inside the Temazcal: Beginning The Ceremony

It smelled amazing. You could breathe easier. As she continued to place the rocks we began singing the “Bienvenidos Abuelitas” song in Spanish. It was beautiful and cheerful. As far as my understanding goes, the Temazcal ceremony followed the same pattern of four directions, by having us cross into four distinct energetic “gates,” or doorways. Each gate was dedicated to a different energetic realm and part of our life.

First Gate: Childhood

The 1st “gate” was dedicated to the 1st direction of the east. As she kept placing more rocks inside, I saw a little black beetle struggling to get out of the pit. My heart was torn over it. I felt like I couldn’t break the moment and song to get him out, but at one point I almost did. 

I prayed he would get out as my mind cringed at the idea of him being trapped there and burned alive. Finally, Vania noticed him too and got him out with the help of the antler. She placed him out of the Temazcal doorway and saved him. I felt so relieved and even more confident in her character. 

As the first layer of rocks was ready to go Vania and Rudy closed the door with an insulated blanket and tarp sealing in the dark space. With the bucket of herb enriched hot water, Vania began pouring a small bowl of water onto the hot rocks. (The bowl was made of “jicara” aka a traditional calabash fruit). This instantly and magically created vast clouds of steam that quickly rose and filled the whole room as well as our lungs with the gorgeous smell of herbs. 

I started sitting in a half-lotus position against the wall closing my eyes and breathing deeply. Vania began leading us on our spiritual journey. She told us that the Temazcal was the shape of Mother Earth’s womb and we were inside her womb. It was warm, humid, dark, and loving. The pit with the fire was Mother Earth’s navel and we were directly connected to her there. 

The tiny hole above the fire and Mother Earth’s Navel opened up to the Father Sky above us. We went around the circle shouting in Spanish or English (depending on each person’s native tongue). For me, everyone shouted: “Cassie I forgive you! Cassie you are forgiven! Cassie I love you! Goodbye Cassie!” 

We all lit up and smiled with each round as it felt very self-affirming.

Finding My Child Self

Then she guided us into meditation as she rhythmically drummed. We were taken into a visualization journey all the way back to our childhood.  We saw ourselves as a little girl or boy. What were we doing? What did it look like? Where were we – the park, the woods, the backyard? 

I envisioned myself in 2 places – the backyard in our house on Gunclub Road in South Albuquerque, New Mexico. That was when I was two or three years old and my parents were still together. I was running in the big field with the golden afternoon sunlight filtering through the tall cottonwood trees. Our big sweet, black, mutt Lucy, was my best friend and we were running and playing together. I felt free. 

Then I thought of the dog next door who got loose and bit my face – a few centimeters from my nose, which would have been fatal. I imagined the fear I must have felt. 

I thought of when my parents split up. I contemplated how both of them must have felt. My dad came from a childhood of being in foster care with his siblings. Shamed for being Navajo (Diné). Doing the best he could but never reaching his potential. Slipping into addiction. My mom decided it was best for us to leave. 

I imagined us leaving that pretty house in southern Albuquerque. First to Crownpoint, a tiny dot on the map in northern New Mexico, where my mom found an art teaching job at the high school there. 

I could see myself older and more wise – about 5 or 6 years old. I could imagine myself playing with my best friend at the time, Jacob who lived next door. We used to spend hours playing with tiny toy cars on the sidewalk and climbing the big tree out front.  I could imagine my big brother teaching me how to ride a bike for the first time on the dirt road behind our house.

I could also imagine myself climbing up and across the beautiful plateaus stretching behind our little house in the desolate desert of Crownpoint, New Mexico. Climbing to the top of a plateau in the sunset glow. Feeling invincible, brave, and beautiful. Always a free spirit. 

Even though my heart was a little sadder, that was where I felt free and above my family’s problems. I felt a great Kindred Spirit with the plateaus, the vast open desert and sky. 

I came a little out of my trance as Vania next had us imagine ourselves as a grownup. 

I pictured myself now. And how I feel about that young girl from those memories. I felt somewhat sad. My heart went out to that little girl saying “it’s going to be okay baby, please stay strong.” I also felt a lot of love and tenderness for her. I kept thinking “you are a really good person, you were born that way. You are very beautiful, kind, and magical, inside and out.” 

I thought of what my sister said to me in my teen years. She said I was clairvoyant as a little girl, as if I had ESP. She told me that my heart was really open, pure and light.

We then envisioned ourselves going up to our little girl self and hugging her, embracing her and showing her all the love and compassion we have in our hearts for our little child self. It felt deeply healing and emotional. My consciousness was slightly drifting and I was feeling like I was in a dream. The veil between past / present / future was thinning. Reality and dream life had blurred.

We chanted as Vania opened the entryway letting in the glorious cool air and bright light. I was coming back to reality as I slowly opened my eyes.

Second Gate: Adolescence and Fire

The 2nd gate to the south was shorter and more intense with the increasing heat. This gate was dedicated to the adolescent part of our life.

At one point Vania had us do a fire breath (pranayama) where we breathed very rapidly through our belly with an open mouth. We were sparking the fire within us as the fire within the womb we were all in was growing too. She told us how important this was, especially as women, because when we are little kids, the fire is strong. Meaning we can laugh, play, talk and be loud with no care in the world.

But as we grow into adults we are told to behave and this light can grow dimmer and weaker, especially for women. We are taught not to offend others. We are taught to offer water to our inner fire for fear of burning others who might get too close. 

We don’t want to hurt anyone so we put out our own fire. 

But she said: 

“It’s important to keep tending to our own fire, our own spark inside regularly. Because the people who love our fire, the people whose lives are lit up by it, will know how to be close to us without getting burned. Our inner fire will offer light and warmth to all in the dark places.” 

I loved that. 

Third Gate: Adulthood

The 3rd gate to the west was even shorter and hotter. Some of the participants began lying down as we drifted in and out of chanting. This gate focused on our adult lives.

Fourth Gate: End of Life

The last and shortest gate was to the north. It was dedicated to the end of our life, to death. But it didn’t feel scary, it felt natural. It was the culmination of the full cycle of life that we had just journeyed on in the course of a couple of hours. 

This last gate was devoted to unconditional love and how we want to feel and be when we pass into the next life, the next chapter. She had us imagine our grandparents, full of love for their family, loved ones and their long and beautiful life. The peace, love and acceptance they must have felt. 

As I drifted into the peace of unconditional love for myself, others, and life, I began to lay down. The cold, wet floor gave me the most wonderful feeling of groundedness and relief. The song we sang was about surrendering to the floor of unconditional love that holds us and loves us. It was very memorable and beautiful. 

Ceremony Closing

We ended the healing Temazcal ceremony with a closing prayer to the Abuelitas. Then we exited the Temazcal in a clockwise direction as we poured a bowl of refreshing cold water on our heads and knelt down to the entrance saying thank you in Mayan (ask Vania for the saying). 

We then dipped into the pool next to the Temazcal. I eventually dunked my head under water and felt my body changing temperature and goosebumps began to cover me! It felt so cold outside even though it wasn’t. I felt pretty out of it and dizzy, as if I was coming out of a trance.

It felt good to see the smiling happy faces of everyone in the light. Us women had some snacks, drank water and congregated on the grass for a while as we re-acclimated to real life. It was such a deep, profound, cleansing and healing experience for me. An experience when I got clear on real, unconditional love for myself, my life, my little girl self, my mom, my dad, my ancestors and the natural cycles of life. I got clear on the fact that we are all spirits living in these human bodies in this place, time, and realm. 

Reflections

It was an amazing experience getting to know Vania too, a beautiful soul, who felt like a sister. I found out she and her husband (the curly-haired man who was guiding the men in the frog ceremony) were from Venezuela. But they now live in Cozumel, Mexico – a place she said that the Maya Goddess Ixchel is worshipped and revered. An incredible place with incredible energy. It definitely made me want to go and explore the island more (Nate and I have only been there for half a day a long time ago). 

I left the Temazcal feeling rebirthed, transformed, and so much more deeply connected to myself and my purpose here on earth.

I highly recommend Vania and experiencing a Temazcal ceremony with a trusted guide for anyone looking to deepen their connection with themselves, life and Mother Earth. Absolutely life changing.  I can’t wait to go again soon, once this pandemic is all over.

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